Why fear of conflict is bad
for your business

Do you have a fear of conflict? Our research shows that any organisation with a limited capability to promote and resolve conflict is operating at a significant disadvantage.

Many people, even senior managers, respond to conflict by being overly aggressive or avoiding the situation - and both responses are bad for business because it reduces outputs (creativity, productivity, efficiency and profitability), detrimentally affects relationships (increasing levels of absenteeism and staff turnover while reducing morale) and negatively affects financial outcomes.

Let's explore the underlying motivation of fear through two examples of conflict - responding poorly to the situation or another person.

Bully Boys act aggressively

When our reputation for competency is tested and judged poorly, our real ability to manage the process is exposed. What was once accepted as being true is now exposed as flawed. Now others realise it, too. The greater the difference between reputation and competency, the bigger our feelings of inadequacy. Which results in, you guessed it, increased conflict.

Consider the case of Ian, a newly-appointed manager in a large banking organisation. His previous roles and resumé read impressively. Asked to present the strategic plan for next year’s activity, his reputation as a highly-skilled manager will be put to the test. Especially when he presents to those assembled – the bank’s marketing department and advertising agency, the latter noted for their prowess in delivering presentations.

A brilliant strategist, Ian knows he is a poor presenter - nervous before
an audience he avoids eye contact, shifts about in his position, makes mistakes in reading the slides and talks down to people. Ian doesn’t like presenting in front of people at the best of times.

Under pressure to perform in his first big meeting, Ian puts his general sense of unease down to "presentation anxiety". Yet deep down Ian knows he lacks the necessary skills to manage others through his presentation. If he chose to explore his feelings in more depth, he might realise he's afraid of being exposed, having lesser skills than his reputation suggests.

Half an hour before the meeting, Ian’s handouts are being printed when the printer jams, slowing the process. Just then his boss pokes his head around the door, “All set to present, Ian?” he asks encouragingly.

Ian clacks.

“How can I be expected to make a professional presentation if we don’t have the equipment?! Why doesn’t someone fix this thing?!” he shouts, waving the few printed notes about, having lost his temper… and perhaps his reputation forever.

The second type of conflict is an avoidance response and shows as a fear of loss about potential outcomes.

Take the case of Jenny, a 17 year old secondary school student, early one Friday night. Normally high-spirited, she finishes the week by going out with friends. But not tonight. No, she is dreading any thoughts of tonight. The phone rings and her mother answers it.

“Jenny,” she calls from the hallway, “it's Julie
to speak with you.”

She doesn’t want to go out with her friends because of Daniel - a new boy in the group, introduced by her best friend, Julie. He’s always making rude comments and looking at her. Jenny is certain Daniel will sit beside her at the mall later and ask her out. “Yuck,” she thinks, “who would want to go out with him?” But she doesn’t want to upset Julie and her companions by making a scene. Fearing an outcome worse than her current situation, Jenny clacks. Feigning a headache, she declines the phone call and goes to bed early.

From Jenny's perspective, her current position (missing fun with friends)
is preferable to a potentially worse position (awkwardness with Daniel, perhaps creating a scene, or loss of reputation). This thinking prevents her engaging in conversations and relationships around her. Rather than resolving the situation, she chooses to avoid it, hoping the inevitable will just go away...

In both cases, conquering fear is quite simple - Ian and Jenny need to practise and apply better conflict resolution skills to promote their point of view before listening and responding appropriately. Here's why:

        *  If Ian felt able to confidently promote his strategic plan for next year's activity, listen to questions and comment appropriately, he wouldn't behave aggressively in the lead-up to his presentation.

Ian would benefit from less emotional explosions and some solid work in presentation skills (to say nothing of Photocopier 101 Skills). If a few jammed notes cause Ian to lose control and overreact - and for many of us often it is the little things - he risks damaging key relationships around him, his career, and his company's ability to leverage his remarkable mind.

        *  If Jenny felt able to tell Daniel his comments are rude and his advances unwelcome, then listen and comment appropriately, she wouldn't need to avoid future meetings with her friends.

Jenny would benefit from an increased level of assertiveness to say what she does and doesn't want (... one of life's many skills!)

To move beyond their states of anxiety, Ian and Jenny must separate the issue from the people. For businesses, conflict is desirable when focused on the issue (and again, our research shows this to be the case). Conflict is not desirable when directed at the person.

The examples of Ian and Jenny typify the reactions of many who respond
with some degree of aggression or passivity in business conflict situations. Sadly, these feelings and behaviours sometimes spill into our professional relationships and personal lives with disastrous consequences. More effective people learn how to manage their behaviours appropriately in the time between experiencing a feeling and exhibiting a behaviour. This critical interpersonal skill - a matter of awareness and discipline - means fighting with others is actually a choice, rather than being inevitable.

The short answer to business conflict is to promote your point of view, listen and respond appropriately.

For those interested in further reading, seek out Daniel Goleman's brilliant work in Emotional Intelligence, readily available in most bookshops.

   If you want to improve your team's    ability to manage conflict, we offer    simple techniques for overcoming fear,    and thus overcoming conflict. Guiding    people through our 5 Point Method - part of every Negotiation Seminar we present - takes a couple of hours to learn and can be applied to any discussion. In fact, the tougher the better. We can't promise freedom from fear but you will gain confidence using the process and quickly achieve better outcomes for everyone.

Alternately, consider one-on-one coaching to overcome fear in order to negate specific issues. It's a liberating process releasing us from those dreaded Bully Boy and Scaredy Cat tags. Quickly and easily it empowers us to manage ourselves, the situation, and others more appropriately.

"What are you afraid of?" need not apply to conflict any longer. And your business will gain substantially by learning how to resolve conflict.

It's time to pluck up your courage and contact us right now.