Why fear of conflict is bad
for your business

Do you have a fear of conflict? Many people, even senior managers, respond by being overly aggressive or avoiding the situation as best they can. Both responses are bad for business, reducing outputs (creativity, productivity, efficiency and profitability) and detrimentally affecting relationships (increasing absenteeism and staff turnover, while reducing morale). Taken together, any business with a limited ability to promote and resolve conflict is operating at a significant disadvantage.

Conflict begins when one person responds poorly - clacks - to an overwhelming sense of pressure from the situation or another person. Here we explore the underlying principles through two examples of conflict.

Bully Boys act aggressively

The first type of conflict is an aggressive response which shows as a fear of inadequacy to manage the process.

Consider the case of Ian, a newly-appointed manager in a large banking organisation. His previous roles and resumé read impressively. Asked to present the strategic plan for next year’s activity, his reputation as a highly-skilled manager will be put to the test. Especially when he presents to those assembled – the bank’s marketing department and advertising agency, the latter noted for their prowess in delivering presentations.

A brilliant strategist, Ian knows he is a poor presenter - nervous before an audience, he avoids eye contact, shifts about in his position, makes mistakes in reading the slides and talks down to people. Ian doesn’t like presenting in front of people at the best of times.

Under pressure to perform in his first big meeting, Ian puts his general sense of unease down to "presentation anxiety". But it's more than that because deep down, Ian lacks the necessary skills to manage others through his presentation. If he chose to explore his feelings in more depth, he might realise he's afraid of being exposed, having lesser skills than his reputation suggests.

Half an hour before the meeting, Ian’s slides are being printed when the printer jams, slowing the process. Just then his boss pokes his head around the door, “All set to present, Ian?” he asks innocently.

Ian clacks.

“How can I be expected to make a professional presentation if we don’t have the equipment?! Why doesn’t someone fix this thing?!” he shouts, waving the few printed slides about, having lost his temper… and perhaps his reputation forever.

Scaredy Cats avoid conflict

The second type of conflict is an avoidance response and shows as a fear of loss about potential outcomes.

Take the case of Jenny, a 17 year old secondary school student, early one Friday night. Normally high-spirited, she finishes the week by going out with friends. But not tonight. No, she is dreading any thoughts of tonight. The phone rings and her mother answers it.

“Jenny,” she calls from the hallway, “it's Julie to speak with you.”

She doesn’t want to go out with her friends because of Daniel - a new boy in the group, introduced by her best friend, Julie. He’s always making rude comments and keeps looking at her. Jenny is certain Daniel will sit beside her at the mall later and ask her out. “Yuck,” she thinks, “who would want to go out with him?” But she doesn’t want to upset Julie and her companions by making a scene. She tells herself it’s better to avoid him altogether.

Fearing an outcome worse than her current situation, Jenny clacks. Feigning a headache, she declines the phone call and goes to bed early.

From Jenny's perspective, her current position (missing fun with friends) is preferable to a potentially worse position (awkwardness with Daniel, perhaps creating a scene, loss of reputation etc). This thinking prevents her engaging in conversations and relationships around her. Rather than resolving the situation, she chooses to avoid it, hoping the inevitable will just go away...

Two types of fear

In both cases, conquering fear is quite simple - Ian and Jenny need to practise and apply better negotiation skills to promote their point of view before listening and responding appropriately. Here's why:

        *  If Ian felt able to confidently promote his strategic plan for next year's activity, listen to questions and comment appropriately, he wouldn't behave aggressively in the lead-up to his presentation.

        *  If Jenny felt able to tell Daniel his comments are rude and his advances unwelcome, then listen and comment appropriately, she wouldn't need to avoid future meetings with her friends.

In both instances, conflict is good. But not the way it is managed. In Ian's case, both he and his organisation would benefit from less emotional explosions and some solid work in presentation skills (to say nothing of Photocopier 101 Skills). If a few jammed slides cause Ian to lose control and over-react (and for many of us, often IT IS the little things), he risks damaging key relationships around him, his career, and his company of missing out on exploiting his thinking skills.

In Jenny's case, both she and her friends would benefit from an increased level of assertiveness in being able to say what she does and doesn't want.

To move beyond fear, both Ian and Jenny must separate the issue from the people. Conflict is desirable when focused on the issue. Conflict is not desirable when directed at the person.

Is personal warfare really necessary?

What is fear? Definition of fear - the emotion stimulated by real or imaginary danger.

While the examples of Ian and Jenny are extreme, most of us react with some degree of aggression or passivity in business conflict situations. Sadly, these feelings and behaviours sometimes spill over into our professional relationships and personal lives with disastrous consequences. More effective people learn how to manage their behaviours appropriately in the time between experiencing a feeling and exhibiting a behaviour. This critical interpersonal skill - a matter of awareness and discipline - means fighting with others is a choice, it is not inevitable.

The short answer to business conflict is to promote your point of view, listen and respond appropriately.

For those interested in further reading, seek out the author Daniel Goleman and his brilliant work in Emotional Intelligence, readily available in most bookshops.

What causes fear? Believing we will fail against this real or imaginary danger.

  If you want to improve your team's   ability to manage conflict, we offer   simple techniques for overcoming fear,   and thus overcoming conflict. We guide   people through our 5 Point Method, part of every Negotiation Seminar we present; it takes a couple of hours to learn and can be applied to any discussion - in fact, the tougher the better. We can't promise freedom from fear but you will gain confidence using the process and quickly realise better outcomes for everyone.

Alternately, you might consider one-on-one coaching to overcome fear in order to negate specific issues. It's a liberating process releasing us from those fearful Bully Boy and Scaredy Cat tags. Quickly and easily,
it empowers us to manage ourselves, the situation, and others more appropriately.

"What are you afraid of?" need not apply to conflict any longer.

What is your greatest fear?

If you speak publicly about snakes and spiders and have to board a crowded flight overseas during a violent storm... you might be a little apprehensive! Check how you rate against the list.

Top 10 Fears   #1. Fear of public speaking   #2. Snakes   #3. Confined places   #4. Heights   #5. Spiders   #6. Tunnels and bridges   #7. Crowds   #8. Plane travel   #9. Storms #10. Water (swimming/drowning) With thanks to Steve Hughes and   www.faceyourfearstoday.com

  It's a bit of fun to finish off.

  By the way, construct a better   scenario in one sentence, and I'll   both credit you and post it here.